He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
