wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
