Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
