she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
