people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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