I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
