wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
