HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
