If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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