I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
