I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
