sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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