Soap is not a condiment
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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