Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
