then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
