It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
