i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
