I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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