i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
