I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
