ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
