loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
