dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
