the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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