I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Randomize
