Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
