We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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