At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
