Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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