Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
