I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
