she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
