You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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