Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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