so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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