Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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