the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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