I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
