How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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