Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
