absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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