The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
