i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Randomize
