Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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