my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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