So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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