Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
