Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
