Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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