you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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