I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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