I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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