In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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