i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You are a genius and a whore.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
