Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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