Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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