that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
