I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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