You're my little dorito
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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