You're completely useless in the revolution.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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