yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
