Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
