why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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