I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
