When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
