Walk of Shame today included voting.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
