Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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