can u get pink eye on your cock?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
