first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
