She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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