maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
