i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
