that's an acceptable place to lick
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
