you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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