At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
