matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
